Do you like turkey? Do you like families? Do you like families that like turkey?

My mom is really hoping that I’ll bring someone home with me — a male, preferably. In fact, she was talking on the phone the other day to a guy friend of mine and invited him to join my family for dinner. When he declined, she implied that I find someone else. Something tells me that I could pick a bum or two off of Broadway and bring them home to share a meal with the Christen family, but I’m not sure that’s who she had in mind. Unfortunately for her it’s looking like another year that I sit at the table and make believe that the seat next to me is occupied by Nigel Barker. Or a supernerd for that matter.

So the offer stands — if you need a place to consume Thanksgiving dinner at, my mom wants you. Not literally, just…well, literally. If I haven’t convinced you yet, there is guaranteed to be an overabundance of rhubarb pie, bagpipe music, my grandma singing to the bagpipe music, and possibly a Scrabble tournament. No canned cranberries, no circle of feelings, bathroom accessible, and minimal awkwardness! Pretty sweet deal!

Now accepting applications for my Thanksgiving boyfriend! AAAAALLLLLLLRIGHHT!