(After sitting down to a scrumptious signature Sunday meal prepared by Momma Trace, Father, Mother, and the Christen underlings of lesser cooking skills submit to their traditional passive babble.)
(Younger brother Tyler and Father Danno shove forkfuls of food in their mouths, exhausted and famished from a hard afternoon of watching football.)
TRACE: Did you guys say ‘Grace’?
(They didn’t—and she knows it.)
(Family proceeds with ‘Bless us, oh Lord and cheese thy gifts…’)
DANNO: Oh, boy! What is this, Chicken _____________ (Stroganoff, Cacciatore, Casserole, Helper, Loaf)?
TRACE: It’s chicken. Breasts and thighs. (Points at chicken) Those two are thighs, those two are breasts.
(Undecided as to whether he’d like a breast or a thigh, Danno takes one of each.)
DANNO: Well…Jenny…what’d you do today?
JENNY: Uhhh…____________________. (Insert white lie: worked, went to the mall, visited friend, walked dog, volunteered at the soup kitchen; I actually slept all day.)
DANNO: Hmm. Say, Tyler, will you dish me up a ___________ (smidge, dribble) of ___________ (beans, cheese)?
DANNO: So who’s playing ____________ (tonight, tomorrow, this week)? The ______________ (NFL, NBA, or MLB team) and the ________________ (another team)?
TYLER: ___________________ (incoherent mumbling).
DOG: HELLO. DOWN HERE.
(Pause)
DANNO: I had lunch with _____________ (Les, Pete, Nick) today.
TRACE: Oh? Did he mention anything about ________________ (the church fundraiser, his vacation, his wife, his mom/dad)?
DANNO: No…no……
(Pause)
DANNO: I ran into _____________ (old friend/acquaintance) at the _____________(Post Office, hardware store, at lunch). He was _______________(mailing something, buying parts for his snowblower, eating with a friend). He said that _______________ (someone’s in the hospital, he was wearing coveralls because his wife liked him to, he’s retiring).
TRACE: Oh? Did you ask him about _______________ (his business, his family, his love life)?
DANNO: No…no……
(Pause)
DANNO: (To Trace) ________________ (your brother, your old flame) stopped by The Shop today.
TRACY: Hmm.
DOG: FEED ME.
DANNO: I _________________ (fixed his brakes, fixed his blinker, bought a raffle ticket from him).
DANNO: Tyler, after dinner I need you to help me ________________ (snow blow the driveway, mow Grandma’s lawn, shovel snow off the roof, fix something unfixable).
TYLER: _______________ (grumbles).
JENNY: How about those _____________ (brownies, cookies)?
MOM: Bring them over to the table. WILLOW ________________ (sit, lay down, stop breathing on my leg).
(Dessert ensues)
DANNO: Well, honey, that was ________________ (wonderful, outstanding, a culinary extravaganza)!
(Jenny reaches for another ____________ (brownie, cookie), men go back to watching football, scene fades.)
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