The worst part about today is, I’m beginning to realize that I’m absolutely addicted to caffeine. I thought this before, but now it’s been affirmed by headaches and desperate tendencies. I can’t and won’t study without it. Knowing that I’d be pulling an all-nighter one evening last week, I went to three places in search of caffeine. The first, McDonald’s, was closed (just when I was finally willing to give them business, they turn me away!) At my second attempt in the Taco Bell drive thru, I learned that my windows were frozen closed, so I was unable to order and drove away in defeat. Then I tried my hand at the M & H gas station up the street and struck it rich: Forty-four (44) ounces of sweet, sweet Diet Coke in a cup that I couldn’t grip with one hand. This beverage lasted me well through the night and into the morning, which by then, was Watered Diet Coke. Success! Headache.

And another thing: my sister is always trying to get me to go to the gym with her! The GYM! I said, “Heidi, really? Are you tryn’a tell me som’thin here?” and she always shakes her head, “Nuh uh!” but I translate, sister. She’s concerned that since I’m not growing any taller (and unfortunately, only getting wider) that it’s time I hit the elliptical. I say that takes TIME and all I got time to do these days is try to find all the bobbie pins that are lost in my hair, then eat caffeine. I KNOW the gym is a great place to meet guys, especially ones with muscles and strong, sweaty egos, but really. Really? Those machines give me headaches and make me feel like I’m working too hard. And who wants to work too hard? Overachievers? Babies? Panda bears? Meat heads in Under Armour with sticks of deodorant strapped to their biceps?

Fail.

Also, when this week is over I’m going to crack open the bottle of wine in the back of my frigerator and drink it through a straw, in my pajamas, while I watch TV and eat applesauce. That’s the plan.