the wink

A LONG, LONG TIME AGO, or junior high, I discovered the wink. I loved the wink. I used the wink vigorously.

Past records show that winks are typically used for one reason: Picking up chicks/dudes. Winks are one of man’s most trusted non-verbal pickup lines. True. Does that mean if I’m not single I can’t wink? No. In my book, there are no rules for winking. Zero (that I can recall). Wink at your grandma. Wink at your local librarian, at a funeral, or at the driver in car next to you at the stop light. Sure, people are going to think you’re coming on to them, but you know better. Wink away.

There was always one problem with the wink: it was too much wink. It would cause a stir, and was more than once the topic of heated debates about wellness and winking. It is so much wink, in fact, that the receiver of the wink would often question if I were having a seizure. Normal winks span anywhere from 0.2 to one second in length, but the wink is six seconds long and includes intricate hand gestures and head movements. Like I said, it’s a lot of wink.

What do you think? Too much wink?

Then again, it could always be worse, right?

(Wink. wink.)