WHEW.

a: I finished and installed my work in the gallery! (Huge sigh of relief!) I feel that I’m getting a little piece of my life back, even though there are greater obstacles ahead in the coming months, it’s great to check “exhibition” off my list. Here’s one hint about my section of the gallery: COLOR. I will post photos in the coming days!

The opening is on Thursday the 10th and my parents are coming to town (and hours later flying off to Vegas, WEEEEEEEEE!) I am looking forward to a nice time.

2. I put in my 2-week notice at the grocery store. I can’t express how wonderful it felt, and what a great happiness it was to feel that I was doing something for myself that would make me happy. It’s a fine job and all, easy as pie, but deep down it’s miserable. And I feel that misery when I’m there, and things shouldn’t have to be that way, you know? I want to do things that I love, especially when I’m young — and my life doesn’t need to revolve around 2 jobs, at least not right now. Am I going to have less money? Yes. Am I going to be happier? Yes. To me that means much more.

In a similar vein, I’m really trying to seek out happiness. There are so many good things I can call upon, but there are many voids, too. I am physically and mentally far away from a number of important things in my life, which often leads to a deep and undesirable feeling of solitude. Being far away, and also pushing myself away from people has lead to giving myself few options: Spending time on art, or by myself. I don’t know much of a happy medium…

Here’s a small tangent: Last night — Friday — I went out to eat alone at a family restaurant. I pulled into the packed parking lot, turned off the car, and thought, “This is crazy. No one walks into a restaurant on a Friday night alone.” But I was hungry, and I knew I could push aside any judgments to sit by myself in the restaurant.

After nearly turning around when I walked in the door, I gathered my pride and sat up to the bar — the only seating available. I was immediately greeted by a bartender who took my drink order, gave me a menu, and brought me a cold beer. Nice, I thought, this was a good idea. See how easy it is to do this alone? I scanned the menu for a few minutes and decided on my dinner.

Couples, old and young, moved in around me, eating their appetizers. The kitchen doors were flying open and closed, the cooks put up plate upon plate in the window, the drinks poured. I sat on my stool, menu pushed aside ready to order my meal, for 25 minutes. Beyond my beer, I was never waited on. It was completely awkward and in a sense, humiliating to me. I can’t understand why I won’t allow myself to push the incident out of my head, and fell asleep thinking about it last night.

Perhaps the situation’s chagrin was magnified because I went there by myself to contest (and defeat) aloneness, and in turn felt more alone. Either way, not a pleasant way to start an evening, but luckily the night did nothing but improve from there…

(End tangent, etc.)

III. I have no plans for spring break, which is sad, but also a relief. I would love to go to San Francisco and see all the lovely faces I miss so much, but I had my California run over New Years and I have to keep reminding myself of that. Another adventure will come in due time. In the meantime, I plan to chill out here, get homework done, sleep, sleep, sleep, and work. I’m so indebted to sleep right now that I could never get enough of it.

IV. I received an email from Red Weather literary journal informing me that one of my photographs was accepted for publication! It’s a photograph of my sister Heidi titled Heidi, Late May, and you can see it here…

5. SPEAKING OF SISTERS, I didn’t mention this a month ago when I first learned the news, but here it is…my sister Kacy and her husband Matt are expecting their first child, my parents’ first grandchild, and my first niece/nephew in late August! Hooray! I am completely excited and overcome with an urge to buy things for the little tyke (I know my mom has already gone into a full baby-buying frenzy and she doesn’t even know its gender yet…)

Finally, fingers crossed in the next few weeks that I will have very exciting news. I am making a great effort to “set myself up for success” (my mom gets a kick out of this phrase) and to uncover the things in my life that I truly want to achieve.…

Thank you for reading, and as always — love, love, love.

xxx

j