hasty decisions

After what seemed like a hasty decision (as decisions often are in dreams) I decided to get married. The entire length of the engagement was a few days, during which time I somehow acquired a dress (?). No further arrangements were made — no church, attendants, time or location. I’m not even really sure who I told about the event, other than my mom and immediate family.

I remember the day coming, and waking up thinking, “this is my wedding day…this doesn’t feel like my wedding day…”, and I went about the day as though nothing special was happening, and my life wasn’t about to change. I didn’t have my nails or my hair done. I don’t even remember seeing my “husband-to-be,” whoever he was. It was just me, and just another day.

Toward the end of the afternoon, right around eight o’clock, I decided to put on my wedding dress with the hope that others might see and remember it was my wedding day. Since there were no plans, I didn’t know where I was going to get married, or who was going to marry me. My tentative plan was to drag my family to some weird, arbitrary place where I’d marry a stranger and live out the evening in spontaneity. It sounded great in my head, but when I realized no one wanted to go along with it…I felt foolish.

After some time waiting around in my wedding dress, I asked my mom, “Isn’t anyone coming to my wedding?” I remember her looking at me, searching for the words to tell me it was a bad idea. But all she could say was, “You have to stand by this person for a long time.” I felt naiveness and a sharp disappointment run through me, knowing I wasn’t ready.

I’m trying to connect this dream to real life, but all I can gather is a call for patience…

xx

j