I am going to California tomorrow,
I am going to California tomorrow,
Staff: (Client), how does your garden grow?
Client: With flowers, and Taco Bell, and taco shells
Thank you, Adele, for kind of-sort-of-almost exactly satisfying my feelings right now. I needed this. Cheers.
My client and I were hanging out in the dollar store parking lot as she smoked a cigarette, and I watched from the driver seat.
A woman,her ragged car parked across from mine, struggled to change a flat tire. Her male friend looked on and they tinkered with different rusty tools and jacks and wheels with little success.
The woman turned to my client and asked her a question that my client deflected to me.
“Do you have 14 inch tires? My friend has 16 inch tires and I was going to use his but they’re not the same…”
“I couldn’t tell you,” I said. “I really dont’t know.”
She continued to stare at me, sweaty skin, ragged black hair. She looked tethered. “You got a donut spare I could use?”
My first thought was trying to explain to my dad that I’d given away my spare tire to a shady woman in the dollar store parking lot.
“I can’t do that, no. Sorry.”
When we returned home, I told the story to another client and her staff. We all laughed at the thought of it, and my client joked, “what if I let her have one of the wheels off your car?”
“You’d have to walk home,” I told her, “we’d have to walk home.”
The entire night I’ve had the vision of a car with only three wheels. It would still stand and wouldn’t look entirely ruined, but it would be hard to drive.
My boyfriend and I separated last night, after a lengthy bout with long distance and life. Today has been a daze — and I feel like a car with only three wheels.
New dawn
New day
New life
A few weeks ago, I spoke with a professor who told me, in a time when I was in extreme doubt, something that has been keeping me going. She said, “when you’re at the point of frustration with something, and you want to give up, don’t; that moment means you’re close to finding the answer to your problem.”
So I’ve reached that point — wanting to give up. And I’m not frustrated because I don’t want to do this anymore, but because I’ve been so close to the answers for so long and I cannot by any stretch obtain them at this time.
approximatelyes.com 