Author: approximately

“Anything I can ever do for you—you’ve got yourself a friend for life.”

Future:

What a scary, exciting and curious thought.

How’m I gonna do it? Watch eight hours of television on my front lawn? Drink lemonade? Dance on Main Street in that swimsuit, the one I took from my sister three summers ago? Walk through every aisle at WalMart? Read books backwards, burn the evidence of yesteryear, dive into scores of packing peanuts? Sleep sideways, or upside down, or downside up? Water artificial flowers? Set the limbo bar a little lower, then crawl under a little swifter? Eat cake for every meal? Hitchhike across the universe? Write sonatas, draw photographs, make mom proud? Sleep?

Or…set it aside and walk away?

It’s wavering but for now, at best, it’s little to none.

Wherever you go, go with all your heart;

If that’s the case, I need to change my plans.

I took the hit, the bulk of the blame,
and years later
I can still feel the sting
Often speculating what,
how things could be.

I hate that so much, and more
that you’ll not know, not ever.

Streets from approximatelyes on Vimeo.

Scenes from my final week in Europe: Austria, Germany, and Holland.

*Apologies for the extreme mediocre quality of this short film.

It wasn’t sunny, I remember that much. The day had gone from long to longer, my fears had been established, wiped away, disposed into some irrelevant space of mind. If I could dismiss that initial fear, I found, before getting it grow, then thereafter I could be fearless.

The shopping ways were long before the Arch de Triumph, with windows taunting Ferraris, pastries, long-legged mannequins. I’d never have any of it, I felt so lost. A metro sign appeared, I skimmed the stairs and jumped aboard. The subway was different when I was alone. There was no way to determine if it was safe, and I tried to lose myself in thought and focus on my stop rather than think of those staring at me with shifty French eyes. I had to be fearless.

Clouds were overhead and soaked in an air much similar to a day I’d spent discovering London. I imagined the day with sun. A garden came into sight, a really beautiful arrangement of trees and benches. I was lost, I knew where I was, I was lonely, I was content. The Louvre was set straight ahead, couples were sprinkled amidst the trees, fountains and grasses. I saw a lone chair sitting in the middle of a dusty patch and advanced.

And as much as I’d like to deny, or maintain that I was completely satisfied, I would have given a great bit to have seen someone at my side, smiling, curious, dust on their feet.

Me and you are subject to the blues now and then
But when you take the blues and make a song
You sing them out again