Author: approximately

There it all happened, on that continent somewhere around the corner and across an ocean. I did it, I made it done, welcome back. And now there’s just no way to make it all in writing the way I saw it through eyes and heart. There’s no sleep, either.

The world was good to me for eight weeks, lugging, chugging along mountains and staircases, drifting through channels on ferries and high flying; wandering, wondering, being amazed. There was a feeling more alive, and aware. I made it done, I saw it. I loved it, beautiful scenes rolling on through windows, and sparkling city lights, sand between toes. Climbing. Driving. Planning and executing, the defeat of sitting still. No-matter-what, where-are-we-going, which-way, and we-made-it’s. We made it done.

Sit down with my little friend jet lag. Confusion set in, steering down familiar streets in a recognized town and all I can think of is my incertitude of the air’s temperature, the month, the day of the week…

…and my! Did that all really just happen? Did that happen?

Pinch me, I’m home.

I’ve been writing a lot about my travels, but hardly ever go beyond the surface of things. How is life? Of course when you’re in Europe things seem shinier, the boys are always beautiful and each day is coated in the glory and satisfaction that you are far, far away. I love this. I love being far away, and I love remembering that I’m far away. It adds to the complexity of being unattainable, or at least distant. I hate this.

Things have been good, yes. To leave it at this — at ‘good’ — is to ignore the underlying verity of my mind. This has been the hardest thing. Not ever, but certainly a genre of difficultly that I have not encountered. I still wake up each day with the delight of a new journey at hand. I’ve seen more in six weeks than I’ve seen in my life’s entirely: Oxford, Stonehenge, London, Ireland, Paris, Rome, cathedrals, castles, rivers, people and beyond. I’ve been fortunate enough to experience these days, to spend carelessly and worry little. Never has my life been as carefree as it is at this time, and I worry: Will it ever be again? When I leave this city, can I return? And when?

What then, is the difficulty? I’ve gone confidently with uncharted direction and made it this far. I’ve been surrounded by twenty or so, every day along the way. Together we saw the Eiffel Tower, the Roman Baths, Pisa. I’ve hardly felt more alone.

Things have been good, but all I really want to do is sleep with the comfort that I can wake up and see the people that make home, home. Those that know me from the core and to a ‘T’, that are a part of my life not because we are thousands of miles from home together, but because they willingly desire to be a part of my life.

Everyone needs someone, and right now everything feels so far away. And I’d just love a nice, close hug.

Heaps behind a glass shield
in tin bins gleaming with cold
Old Gelato in apron, gone smile
Done in, draws his weapon
the scoop.
Stracciatella, Coco, Fragola
smeared atop a cone
A fashioning of cream, bello
Handed slowly, gone smile
Done in, Old Gelato.

This has been a long, difficult yet incredible road.

And I can make it, take it, grow from it.

This makes me so very warm inside.

Amen, amen, amen.

PS: Remember this? Me too.

Love.

I have my doubts of what is to come…

I just. I just don’t know.

My experiences here have been absolutely invigorating.

I don’t know how I’ll ever leave this life behind.

I am becoming more independent, I am becoming stronger. These minutes that I have spent wondering have become my enemy, and ultimately now, my affirmation.

I must be doing something right.

If I had to begin to describe all of the meanings of life running their course through my mind during this past month, I couldn’t. I didn’t know I could fall in love with the world like this. I’ve been sitting in a field of the green grass of scholars, recurrently accepting these asymmetrical strides amidst a revered town. I’ve been watching the clouds pass, and I’ve been thinking.

Not long ago I was seated on a plane, flying over an attractive landscape and meanwhile, reexamined my days and the good fortune that has cloaked my being. I’ve seen more than I needed to make me feel progress, love, and warmth of the untried. It’s a spectacular altering, to feel the negativity slip from your mind as thoughts enrich, and even better now, already I know the best is still to come along.

The more this curiosity sparks, my desire to sustain a intrepid lifestyle grows. I miss no home and persist to reinforce the penchant of a life on the move. Changing scenery keeps my eyes wide and whisks my thoughts, challenges my conclusions to places I thought once implausible. The pen is moving, pages filled with distractions and details of the ordinary. I am inspired, I can taste life.

And I pray not to ever, ever forget the glory of it all.