going up

My fly is unzipped.

Just like the Vietnamese philosopher
that cornered me in elevator conversation said:
I’m trapped in an eight-year old’s body.
Standing before the N section on the 4th floor,
he waited for my reflection to speak something profound
of his Microsoft-painted Vermeer.
It was a confused copy, screaming Fauve,
Woman-In-A-Hat’s sister,
a sorry separation.

I backed away and shuffled books on the shelves,
faking interest in titles on technology
and gender.

—From prose, drafted 01/24/11

“For whatever reason, I just had a strange feeling tonight. It wasn’t warranted and there was no reminder. I didn’t see anyone that told me to think about it. I didn’t read anything that wrote of it. I didn’t smell, taste, or dream it.

It was just a simple thought, one I’ve probably thought before, only intensity withholding. I thought ahead. I thought ahead two or five years, and saw someone that wasn’t scared or lost, but in a place unfamiliar. She wasn’t tired or coated in uncertainty and doubt. I couldn’t tell you where she was or what surrounded her — she was just living, and it was something wonderful. It was incredible. It was hopeful.

It’s so easy to be scared. To me, life is scary. It is harder to embrace the fear and go out and do great and beautiful things, and I’m trying to learn. I believe my vision of living and a future is bold enough to trounce all apprehension, and I wish it would do so. 
I can make it.”

—24 August 2011

Sometimes it is necessary to reassure yourself: you thought it then, and you can still do it now.

draft

It wasn’t slightly cloudy, it was partly sunny. 
And I didn’t walk, it was a slow jog. Block beyond block,
I held tight to the lining of my pockets as a weapon.
I anticipated the place we’d cross: 
Not quite ten minutes, not quite six blocks,
but no less than five speculations away.
When? And will there be a warmth? 
Or like in the movies? And? 
And what do I say? Or…

I see several similarities,
none the same,
none right,
quite.


—29 October 2010

• • • • •


Over the course of this blog, I’ve published 1341 posts — and have 208 drafts.

Time to finish what I’ve started.