Category: Grocery Gabble

Freedoms

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BOY SCOUT BAGGER (AGE 17): I can’t wait for supper, I haven’t eaten since 10:30a.m…(looks in fridge)G’D DAMMIT SOMEONE THREW OUT MY MAC AND CHEESE! G’D DAMMIT!

Me: Whoa. Are you sure?
BSB17: YES. G’D DAMMIT!!!
Later, after Boy Scout Bagger has settled down a bit…

BSB17: I drive a tank.
Me: What? You have your license?
BSB17: I have my permit…THE CLOSEST THING.

GRUMPY CASHIER: So who do you drive with?
BSB17: MY MOM.
GRUMPY CASHIER: So you ride your bike?
BSB17: NO. I drive a 2006 CHRYSLER TOWN & COUNTRY…BLUE!!!
GRUMPY CASHIER: (Laughs)
BSB17: YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY FREEDOMS!!
GRUMPY CASHIER: You have no freedoms.
BSB17: JUST BECAUSE I CAN’T BUY ALCOHOL OR TOBACCO OR VOTE AND PUT A TERRIBLE PRESIDENT IN CHARGE OF THE COUNTRY DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T HAVE FREEDOMS!! I DON’T PAY RENT OR TAXES SO I HAVE FREEDOM!
GRUMPY CASHIER: You’re in for a rude awakening.
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Somehow, the naiveness is refreshing.

Still in High School Much?

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OLDER GENTLEMAN (accompanied by wife): So, Jenny, are you in school?

ME: I am, yes
OG: Then why aren’t you in class right now? It’s Friday!
ME: I don’t have class on Fridays!
OG: Where do you go to school?
ME: I’m in my last year at MSUM.
OG: You’re a senior in college? Really. I thought you were 16.

Chocolate Milk

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GROCERY GABBLE //

A scruffy looking man in late 40’s, short, stocky, wearing a dirty Harley Davidson t-shirt approaches my lane with a heaping cart of ground beef, steaks, several gallons of chocolate milk, potato chips and cheesy delights, many cans of various beans and other gas-inducing sustenance.

STORE MANAGER: With all that chocolate milk, you should just get a chocolate cow!
SCRUFFY: No kiddin’. How in the hell does it cost an extra dollar to add chocolate to the milk? Jesus.
MANAGER: No’ kiddin’.
SCRUFFY: Well if someone would kill the damn kids and wife I wouldn’t have to buy it.
(Awkward, uncomfortable laughs from nearby associates)

SCRUFFY: I need myself a young, pretty little thing like this one (nods toward me)

ME: Hahahahahahahahaha! (EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!)

SCRUFFY: I bet you spend all day curling your hair. How much did’ja have to drink to get your hair that curly?
ME: Well, it’s natural. So I didn’t have to drink to get it like this.
SCRUFFY: Well, that’s a shame.
ME: Yeah…