This is one of my favorite songs by M. Ward. I can’t resist listening to it when I walk through the city at night — it’s great for unwinding.
I believe the reason why I’ve found great significance in this song is that at times I simply feel lost. And that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with feeling lost, it usually leads to discovery and growth. I often feel lost when I think of the past, and what life used to be like; the things I could never appreciate when I was surrounded by them. Simple things like space, comfort, familiarity — even in moments of sadness or anxiety, there was always something recognizable to cling to. Leafing through pages of my journal, a year ago I wrote, “I have no idea where I’ll be a year from now…I want to be thrown into uncertainty.” Now I know, and now I have all the unanswered questions I could ever ask for, and now I can’t believe I wished for this. But I can.
I wrote those words from my bedroom in Moorhead, MN. One-thousand four-hundred thirty-three miles away. I miss the grocery store I shopped at because I knew where everything was. I miss the Starbucks I went to, because everyone knew my name and always got my drink right. I miss cheap drinks. I miss the people I don’t miss. I miss the abundance. I miss the instant gratification. I miss putting my foot on a gas pedal.
Put a dollar into the machine and you’ll remember when
When I listen to this song, I think of someone walking all day and night in search of something. Dripping down an avenue in Manhattan, looking for something that explains it all, and wondering where they’re headed. That same feeling I felt one-thousand four-hundred thirty-three miles down the road followed me here.
I’ll know when everything feels right
Some lucky night