Category: Uncategorized

How’m I gonna do it? Watch eight hours of television on my front lawn? Drink lemonade? Dance on Main Street in that swimsuit, the one I took from my sister three summers ago? Walk through every aisle at WalMart? Read books backwards, burn the evidence of yesteryear, dive into scores of packing peanuts? Sleep sideways, or upside down, or downside up? Water artificial flowers? Set the limbo bar a little lower, then crawl under a little swifter? Eat cake for every meal? Hitchhike across the universe? Write sonatas, draw photographs, make mom proud? Sleep?

Or…set it aside and walk away?

It’s wavering but for now, at best, it’s little to none.

Wherever you go, go with all your heart;

If that’s the case, I need to change my plans.

I took the hit, the bulk of the blame,
and years later
I can still feel the sting
Often speculating what,
how things could be.

I hate that so much, and more
that you’ll not know, not ever.

Streets from approximatelyes on Vimeo.

Scenes from my final week in Europe: Austria, Germany, and Holland.

*Apologies for the extreme mediocre quality of this short film.

It wasn’t sunny, I remember that much. The day had gone from long to longer, my fears had been established, wiped away, disposed into some irrelevant space of mind. If I could dismiss that initial fear, I found, before getting it grow, then thereafter I could be fearless.

The shopping ways were long before the Arch de Triumph, with windows taunting Ferraris, pastries, long-legged mannequins. I’d never have any of it, I felt so lost. A metro sign appeared, I skimmed the stairs and jumped aboard. The subway was different when I was alone. There was no way to determine if it was safe, and I tried to lose myself in thought and focus on my stop rather than think of those staring at me with shifty French eyes. I had to be fearless.

Clouds were overhead and soaked in an air much similar to a day I’d spent discovering London. I imagined the day with sun. A garden came into sight, a really beautiful arrangement of trees and benches. I was lost, I knew where I was, I was lonely, I was content. The Louvre was set straight ahead, couples were sprinkled amidst the trees, fountains and grasses. I saw a lone chair sitting in the middle of a dusty patch and advanced.

And as much as I’d like to deny, or maintain that I was completely satisfied, I would have given a great bit to have seen someone at my side, smiling, curious, dust on their feet.

Me and you are subject to the blues now and then
But when you take the blues and make a song
You sing them out again

The best guitarist in the world.

Sitting on my break at work today I heard a woman’s voice cry over the intercom,”Code Blue! Code Blue to ICU, Code Blue to ICU!”

I turned to the woman that I was sitting with who gauged my confusion. “Someone’s having a heart attack, that’s what that means,” she said.

And all I can do is worry, about everything.

I heard this song at the Blue Rider tonight. I can recall it being played during my youth, on the stereo in our living room on Shirley Court and it brings nothing but happy memories.

There couldn’t be a more suiting time in my life to hear this music. Right now I feel I am being tugged by the future in so many uncertain directions, it’s hard to assure and reassure myself that everything happens for a reason, and that the choices I make will eventually, at long last someday, lead to something plentiful and fulfilling. It’s difficult to picture an affirmative life unfolding when you feel so lost.

I am only trying to accept that this is my time to be uncertain, a time to be uncertain, a time of love, a time of peace, a time of hate, a time for every purpose under heaven. I can do anything.

Thank you, Byrds.

PS: If nothing else, the woman dancing in the background of this video is hilarious.

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late