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good + bad = goodbad

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THE LAST 24 HOURS have been genuinely draining. I suppose the weekend in general was bittersweet — there were many realizations and frustrations. 
My good friend Benjamin was in town from Minneapolis and we had a really brief but lovely time. We had lunch at my favorite Drunken Noodle in downtown Fargo and did a bit of gallivanting about town, including a stop at a comic book store! (It was like a whole different world!)

Ben is very talented young man, and during his visit he informed me that he was selected as the student speaker for his upcoming college graduation from MCAD! I am thrilled for him and wishing I could make it to the ceremony (his speech is going to be quite hilarious).

The frustrating part of the weekend comes with work. I really wish I could find the motivation within me to create, and earn a profitable income from creating — so much that I wouldn’t have to work any other job(s). That would be my dream, to just create and have flexibility with life. I feel that I have the ability to do so, it’s only a matter of the funk I’ve been in for a while that’s been keeping me from getting started…

I know that I just need to start. (Please pardon me if this is turning into a pep talk.) The other night I was sitting at home working on a paper, and the thought crossed my mind, “I should go to the gym.” I have this thought a lot — probably two or three times a day, every day — but for the last year, I’ve never acted on it. So I set my laptop down, got up from my chair and I went to the gym. It blew my mind. It felt so good. I felt so good! The whole time I’d wanted to exercise, the whole time I’d known that exercising would feel incredible, and yet I never pursued it; I’m a stubborn creature. It makes me wonder about the other things that consistently cross my mind, the things that I think of but never act on (the things I’m PASSIVE about, to put it bluntly. I dislike the word ‘passive’ so I avoid it…) and there are many of them.

Okay, enough, done. But seriously, if you’ve never been a comic book store, GO! Great people watching. Good conversation. A nerd’s oasis.

water rising. etc.

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THIS IS THE WEEK the F/M area has been preparing for months — flood time. The river is supposed to crest around 41 feet on Sunday or Monday. I’ve been noticing flood walls go up and streets close down, completely filled with dirt barriers. I crossed the Red River while driving on the Interstate earlier this afternoon, and the water has risen to a level where one-half to three-quarters of many trees in Lindenwood Park are submerged. I’ve never seen anything like this.

Last time the area flooded I was thankfully in Europe, and never got to experience the sandbagging, flood fighting, evacuating, etc. On the flip side, missing out on Flood 2009 leaves me with no idea what to expect. Everyone that’s described the past flood to me summed it up in one sentence: “The town shut down.” Thankfully my apartment shouldn’t be at risk, and from what I understand the city is much more prepared this time around then in 2009 (though there is an urgency for sandbaggers, and I’m seriously considering volunteering). Regardless, there’s going to be obstacles with the city in a frenzy.

I just received a phone call from my supervisor at work telling me that I’m likely going to have to evacuate my clients during my weekend shift — they’re already packed and ready to go, and to just grab their meds and flee to a hotel.

Things are getting interesting.

sunshine. hallelujah.

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ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS MY DAD SAID TO ME when I stepped into the new car wasn’t “Don’t spill anything,” or “Take good care of it.” He didn’t even say, “Don’t hit a cow with this one.”
He said, “You’re not going to have that sunroof open in the winter.” That was five years ago, and as hard as it’s been to contain myself, I’ve always honored his command.
This week I am finally able to slide back the sunroof that’s been capped in snow for the past five months and dissolve the winter blues. It feels so liberating to see sunshine and feel 40 degree air, I might keep the roof open until next November…
xx
j

of rings and things.

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MY MOM TEXTED ME THE OTHER NIGHT to tell me that yet another high school classmate of mine was engaged — the second in one week. Initially I was astonished by the news, but it should come as no surprise. Both ladies have been with their guys for well over two years and are wrapping up their college years, stabilizing their lives and determining where they’re going from where they’re at. Of course they want their partner with them forever! I am incredibly happy for them in every way.
I forget that we’re 23, and not 17 anymore. These were the girls I used to wreak harmless havoc on the town with, play tennis with, and went through the growing pains of acne and junior high History classes with. We’d run the halls and play with our food at lunch! My mind is saying, “NO! NO! Not yet! Stay young forever!” but there’s no stopping time. Their next stage is not driving their rusty Oldsmobiles and Buicks down Broadway with their eight best friends squished in the seats, but looking ahead to more adulty things.
I know I write a lot about the strains of growing up — and trying to grasp that I’m growing up — but it’s constantly on my mind. My memory is sewn together by flashbacks of everything, and I’ve been deeply affected by particular people, places, and moments that only seem necessary to reminisce. It’s difficult for me to live in the “now” because of my love and longing for the past. I don’t know if I felt happier or if the world felt safer at five, twelve, or seventeen —  but I always miss the days. My friends’ engagements reinforced the fact that life is unfolding each day.
At this point in time, I find it difficult to “make moments.” With a life is so saturated in school, friends and family in other cities, a boyfriend 1800 miles away, and the consistent stresses I put on myself to succeed, it’s so easy for me to feel totally lost. School and a long distance relationship are two of the greatest, most difficult undertakings, and I’m in the midst of both. I feel lagged. When does my interest in cookware and Martha Stewart kick in? Should it have by now? And why do I feel so behind in the adult game?
I can only compare these days to my junior high track career: Starting a race in the outside lane, running hard, and finishing in sixth place…
How does one alleviate this hurried feeling?

not getting anything done. feeling cozy. whatever.

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IN TERMS OF GETTING THINGS DONE TODAY, nothing has really been accomplished. I’ve written about two paragraphs on a hefty paper that’s due Thursday.
If there is anything good to come out of this lazy situation, it’s that I took a long, hot shower and hunkered down in my room in my bathrobe for about four hours…which, despite not getting anything done, feels incredible. 
Tallyho! 

SIX awesome things as of late

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 01. Why haven’t I been blogging? I’ve been working…here, there, everywhere. The gallery is in transition with a new show, and that’s where about 3.5 days of life went. It’s the annual Student Juried Exhibition and this years juror was Target’s corporate art curator, Lisa Melander. I had the pleasure of spending an afternoon with her, as well as attending her lecture and she is a wise and talented MSUM art alum! 
We had approximately 150 entries submitted to the juried show, which Lisa whittled down to her 80 selections for the exhibition. Since all the selecting was done with the artists unidentified, she didn’t know that she’d selected both my submissions for the show — when I was in the room! I had to silently contain my excitement, but now I can share it with the blog world. Another exhibit!
Among the selected pieces is Seriously, a 3D text sculpture. You can see it on my website here.
I was scrambling down to the submission deadline to prepare the piece for the show. I actually had to clip the letters apart (they’re made of three pieces: wood, hardware cloth, and steel mesh) to PAINT THEM again, and reassemble them by sewing the pieces back together with clear fishing line. Everything must have worked out in the end because I was accepted! (My second piece in the show is the previously exhibited ‘Rubbish & Bosh’ outdoor sign.)
‘U’ before I sewed it back together in a typographical surgery of sorts. The operation went smooth.
B. FOOD:
BIG cookies that I ate during a studio break:
…and a fellow studio artist’s lunch: cold pizza with imitation bacon strips (she’s also a vegetarian). I found it rather interesting/repulsive, but mostly liked the colors:

III. An art department sign that made me feel a little better:

 FOUR: Going out and having fun (when I finally found the time) and immersing myself in environments with people that are possibly in the same situation as me (but probably not):
5: It’s APRIL, which means it’s almost May, which means it’s almost August, which means it’s almost December, which means it’s almost internship time, which means I’m ALMOST DONE.
Seis: Today is the first day not wearing my winter getup (hat, gloves, etc.) and it. Felt. AWESOME.
Here comes the sun.
xx
j

weekend wrap-up

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BYGONE WEEKEND. My overnight went much smoother than expected — and bonus! I got to attend my first-ever RODEO with my client! CHA-CHING!

This is going to sound really sappy, but the rodeo actually made me feel like a North Dakotan, and it made me proud of North Dakotans. The rodeo was a showcase of a lot of talent that comes from our state that I’ve rarely seen or heard about! Lots of cowboys and cowgirls for real!

I had my BFA review on Friday with my committee (two graphic design instructors and I selected my sculpture instructor as the third committee member). They accepted me into the BFA program, then told me I need to make timelines and work my butt off! I hope so. We discussed possible project ideas for the upcoming semester — it’s going to be a ton of work (my instructors are pushing 8 hour days, five days a week — “your full time job”). I’m not sure where I’m going to take my project. Three things I know for sure are that I want it to be A) beautiful 2) colorful and III ) BIG! Now I need to find a way to meld those things together…

Also, you’ll notice the new layout of this page. I did a bit of spring cleaning and de-cluttered the blog. Additions to the page include an ‘about me’ page where I get wild and spill all my oddities, and ‘contact’ where you can find every possible way on earth to reach me (almost).

Olé! That’s all.

xx
j

this is your life

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I WENT TO SLEEP WITH A HEADACHE THIS EVENING — woke up three hours later, confused as to where I was, what time had passed. I didn’t have a drop of caffeine today, a miracle.

I…don’t feel right lately. Funky. When I think about feeling unwell, I recall a conversation I had with one of my clients a few weeks ago. She asked why we don’t feel right sometimes, why we get sick.
I had to think about answering that question. I suppose it’s something I haven’t often had to put into words; when you don’t feel right, you don’t feel right. It’s hard to explain it to someone, because every body feels a different sickness and sometimes it’s hard to describe. My stomach hurts, I have a headache, my chest is pounding, I’m shaking. There are so many ailments that until we feel them, we can’t understand really how they feel.

Thinking of ways to simplify an explanation, I said to my client, “Our bodies are very complex. Think about everything that goes into making your body work: all of the pumping, the flowing, the beating and digesting. All of the nerves and cells and brainwaves. All of your systems are working in harmony to make you live—and if one thing in your body isn’t on track—even one little thing—you won’t feel right. So with everything going on in your body, it’s only natural for things to sometimes go wrong.”
“Oh.”
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
I’m still at school, feeling that there’s something that needs to be done (there isn’t). Tomorrow I have a review with a committee for my BFA year — I’m hoping good things will come out of it, but expecting a wake-up call…
Finally, I want to finish with this beautiful manifesto that my aunt Kelly posted today. As I read through it every word rang true, and it was comforting. Being that I just quit a job I didn’t like, I’m consistently searching for happiness, I’m itching to travel, and I truly want to open myself up to new things…this is beautiful. Thank you, Kelly!