Programming Provided In Part By…

AS PART OF MY JOB DESCRIPTION AS A RESIDENT ASSISTANT, I am required to put on and/or persuade my ladies to attend eight programs each semester.

I was seriously lacking on the ideas, so toward the end of last semester I approached my sister (or rather gave her a jingle, as she lives several states away) who gave me a most novel and outrageous program proposal.

“No way,” I said – but I loved it.

She further sold me on her proposition by offering to throw in prizes for the winners, something that has always troubled me in the past as one of those cliché “poor college students” that you hear so much about. I have fourteen boxes of cereal and $10 worth of oranges in my refrigerator, and yet I still fall under the “poor college student” classification. What gives? I can’t afford prizes (that is unless my ladies don’t mind Princess sets from the Dollar Tree).

So what is this grand scheme, you ask?

I like to refer to it as “Januhairy”. It is exactly what it sounds like: a survival of the few, the proud, the ladies who can go the longest without trimming their leg hair. While I am absolutely convinced that 99.0% of those reading this find the whole concept completely atrocious, bear with me here (no pun intended). I can find several bona fide rationales: It’s winter, 84% of us don’t have boyfriends (or anything else that would conceivably be stroking our limbs), and dangit, Cyndi Lauper said it best: Girls just wanna have fun.

I’m hoping, with any luck, that my ladies can hold out for the remainder of the month and we can extend our little plan of action into “Febuhairy”; it is unlikely that anyone will survive until March … which is alright, since I’m not certain how to tack the “-hairy” suffix onto the word “March” (Marchairy?).

If you are indeed interested in taking part in these events, please come and do so – there will be weekly checkups to see who’s “in”. A word of warning, I will be participating and plan on taking the working-out-in-sweatpants, wearing-tights-with-skirts route for the remainder of winter. You’ve been warned.

Let the games begin!