I am skipping right now.
Not skipping, as in engaging in the upward-downward raising of the knees activity done so gleefully. I am, in fact, skipping class.
It is a nail in my coffin, most probably, but I’m not concerned. I feel so unsure of myself in every aspect at the moment. With all that is on my mind, I find it completely senseless to sit in a classroom and stare at a computer screen while undoubtedly furthering my vision impairment just to learn a trick or two about creating layers in InDesign.
I am completely aware that my attitude is less than sufficient right now. I am coming to a point, however, where my submissiveness is subsiding and all indignant matter is surfacing. I am plagued by passiveness and have become unassertive to the point that all that bothers me has been accepted as the facts of life. The fact is, things don’t have to be this way.
I’ve been irked! I’ve waited for one call too many, hypocritically speaking. I am a mouse mislaid in a labyrinth that is the department I’ve come to loathe. My over-analyzation is taking it’s toll. I’m not pushing myself to a potential I know I have. I can do so many amazing things if I’d only do them wholeheartedly. I can’t remember the last time I relaxed, despite repeated urgings to.
I see myself as an independent, but not strong, person. And what is one without the other, really? A person, standing alone in a state of diffidence and the serendipity of crumbling at any. Given. Moment.
I am skipping. Still.