It Could Be Worse (It Could Always Be Worse)

Dear Mom,

    It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing this to you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Dad. I’ve been finding real passion with “Spike” and he is so nice, even with all his piercings, tattoos, and tight motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion, Mom. I’m having his children and we’re going to be very happy.

   Even though you probably won’t care for him, as he is so much older than me, he owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood big enough for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me, and that’s one of my dreams now, too. Spike taught me that marijuana really doesn’t hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and to trade with his friends for all the illegal substances we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Spike can get better. He sure deserves it!
   
   Don’t worry, Mom. I’m 20 years old now, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter, 
jenny

P.S. – Mom, none of the above is true. I’m in Moorhead. i just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than me moving back home. I love you! Please call me when it’s safe for me to come back.