To talk of things…California things

Note: I wrote this during my first two weeks in San Francisco, 06.19.10. When I read this now, I can see in hindsight how truly scared and uncertain I was and the amount of courage I had to find within me during this time. The writing itself is incomplete—I’m not certain I knew how to clearly portray my thoughts of the time. Three months later I feel much the same as I’ve written, but with less fear…

Friends, family, whoever is reading this—

Life is interesting. Not because I’m doing interesting things (well, technically I am) or meeting strange folks (but there are plenty of those around here), but because I’ve decided I’ve made a mistake, and it’s a lovely mistake.

I had no real reason of coming here other than finding out what I really want. Every day I walk out the door of 922 Union, choose to walk straight up or roll down a hill, and meander. I rarely have a plan or a destination. I plan on the weather being unpredictable. I don’t plan on being approached or approaching, buying or losing anything. I wear my most comfortable shoes and I walk.

When I’m walking I wonder what’s going on back home, and if any of the people I’m passing can tell that I’m not from around here and never was. In my mind I teleport my best friends to be by my side, to drink coffee with and show all my new favorite streets, sit on the stinky bus with me, eat Thai food or grab a beer after sundown.

People say all the time that being in a city can make you feel more alone, and it’s sometimes true. But alone hasn’t met me yet, with all I’ve yet to meet and feel here. Some days or minutes I want to go home to feel home, when I’m weaving through crowds at crosswalks or wishing I had a companion. Right now I want to spend the rest of my twenties here, learning how life is conducted…

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