life, lately.

There is something so different about these days, likely the notion of things coming to a close. Every week feels languid as each hour drips by with closure. I have begun packing up my bedroom to move in a few weeks and am dealing with the next step.
Knowing that I’m leaving has been such a rush of remembrance. I think back to my very first day of college, when the alarm clock my mom packed for me demanded in an electronic voice, “Out of bed, sleepyhead! Time to get up!” It’s so incredible to think of all the days between then and now. It’s so unbelievable to think of how many times I wanted to give up, and every single time I made it through. Despite every obstacle. Every bad day. Every bout with uncertainty.
I’ve found much solace in knowing that those years are behind me, and look toward years of what’s to come (whatever that may be) with excitement and fear. You know what you’re getting with college: Exams, projects, 9am classes, and essays. I can imagine the days ahead won’t be nearly as predictable.
And through experience I’ve learned, college wasn’t the best time of my life. A lot of great things happened, but I’m convinced the years to come will hold more beauty and discovery. That is what I’m looking forward to. 
All of my journals from college. I tried to write whenever I could.
• • • • •

I wrote this on August 30, 2006 — my first week of college:


what i breathe. what i think.
what i came to school for.
what i love. my fuel
                  my motivation
                  my escape.
what i crave. what i put everything into.
what i dream about.

what i want to do the rest of my life —

—-and i can’t wait.

Isn’t it amazing that I still feel that way?
With love,

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