Big Debbie,  24 June 2012

I went to the corner bodega tonight and bought this — Double Decker Oatmeal Creme Pie, or Big Debbie as I like to call it. They were my favorite in grade school, I could eat the whole box until my stomach disagreed with me. My mom would never buy them, so I had to get my fix at a good friend’s house after school, which probably made them all the more desirable.

Big Debbie stands for a lot of things — nostalgia, happiness, no cares. I don’t think I’ve had one in a good five years at least, but today seemed like a good day to return to it. A fresh, sealed box on the factory pastry shelf, I ripped into the cardboard and put down 75 cents, a done deal.

I ate Big Debbie so fast, there was no time to change my mind. I ate it out of exhaustion and sadness and longing. I ate it like a crime, a race, a repentance.

I am beginning to feel lost.