Author: approximately
…& going & going & going
Sending you good thoughts:
It will be better than fine. Just do your best and if not, I understand. This life will be here when you’re ready. You take a deep breath, I’ll enjoy my time here—
and if not, take solace in knowing it’s just temporary. But it’s a step in the right direction.
Someone’s life is this
I can agree,
there’s a sense of euphoria when going to places for the first time. you’ve stopped distracting me from the beautiful scenery, it’s the only one i could find. bummer when the summer goes by so fast and
oh, the swing of the weather! the weather is sad. and how could it not, how could it not? i hate the fact this town is built
around railroad tracks, i’m at an impass—but where are you? going to sleep, need to lock gate. come home. make it happen. man, i shut my eyes and….almost. i can almost
imagine how nice it would be right now. are you finding inspiration? let’s meet on that plane of reality where all things are
truth and love.
i hope everything is as you wish it to be. be safe. keep in touch as the night digresses. maybe we can work something out. just until you come back.
you are loved.
How many seas must a white dove sail
before she sleeps in the sand?
Thoughts from a Final Glimpse of California Sun
The classics lay on the beach
wary sunshine ticked a sky
of clouds as numbers, air as time
chairs repaired by soakers spread
with sweating drinks and aspartame
The day played arid calm
A lagoon awaken by stones
tossed from spokes spoken on gravel road
where child and chrome rolled
it was, home on hold
Sun casually ceased,
air deemed it time.
For Saloon Jesse
Dear Saloon Jesse, I left my steady on the stool. Mind if Pabst Blue and I chat with you? What? We just met and you’re inviting me to your therapists’ yacht in Sausalito? Sure, what time? You might know this, Jesse, but you look a little or a lot like David Bowie in Labyrinth, you ought to get some sparkles to go with your getup. I think. My boyfriend’s at the bar getting another round from the bartender. Did you know he’s a fully-functioning heroine addict? Not my boyfriend, the bartender. What’s your business anyhow? Sorry I’m shouting, it’s a wild night and yes, I come here often. You should really check on that cougar in the corner, she could use a dance like you. Huh? No, I didn’t get your social…your social? Like social security? My mom always told me never to give that out, Jesse. I know you look trustworthy and famous and all, but I can’t do that baby. What? What’s thi—a BUSINESS CARD! Jesse, you have your own business cards! And they look cryptic as hell! Right on. I see you’ve written your number on the back with a sparkly gold gel pen, a nice personal touch. What kind of business did you say you were in? Magic?
And the World Spins Madly On…
THERE WAS NO LONGER A SUSPENSION BRIDGE OF BRIGHT, RUST ORANGE, temperate highs of 65 and strolls along the cloudy or sunny Bay. No uphill both ways or days of Union to Columbus (“Christopho Columbo”) to Kearny to Market, Market to Third. The 71, 49, 6, 45, 30 — all one less passenger. No Tuk Tuk Thai dining on tom kha gai, Citrus Club noodles, North Beach pizza pies. SoMa and NoMa, MoMA and BART, and the Market on Embarcadero, Piers 1 through whatever, Fisherman’s Nightmare (or Wharf), love in Haight, pushing through Powell—gone. Gone. Gone.
I stood in line with a giant suitcase of my summer: New clothing, hand-me-downs, souvenirs, and rolled laundry still wet from the prior evening’s wash. My life was seventeen pounds overweight. I spewed the belongings over the sidewalk outside the airport in despair, as though to hold on, as though to cling to those last moments in the San Francisco air before going through security, and the insecurities of leaving.
Now this, North Dakota and Minnesota—this bittersweet hello. No question I cannot take these values from my mind of the state I was raised, though question enough if I’ll stay here too long.
It took me six days to get to California. It took me five hours to get home. Time works unfairly, I’ll maintain until I go back. The next year will hold the millstones of working toward returning to the Bay, and I’m keeping this chin up all the way.
TO SAY THAT I’VE NOT BEEN DOING MY SHARE of writing lately is an understatement. I’m seriously slacking. The good news is, things are really wonderful; the bad news is, it’s almost time to move on.
Over the past few weeks I’ve been trying to uncover more layers of the city. I’ve cut back quite a bit on the walking—I was taking the same paths each day—and have taken to public transit. I’m comfortable connecting from bus to bus (I’d never really ridden a bus before I came here) and getting around. Life has been more than fair, and there is no lack of excitement. I like the city more each day, it seems, and am convinced I’ll return someday in the future.
As for my last week in San Francisco, I’m hoping for relaxation—a last hurrah before getting back to school…
Take care and be well—
j
approximatelyes.com 